From My Friend Nate

I probably haven’t been as good a friend through this experience as you need. I’m sorry for that, and sorry for the situation you and your husband find yourselves in. Sorry doesn’t quite cut it, though. You are in an ugly place, and you’re not even really allowed to feel sorry for yourself because you have to take care of Bryce and Dani, and manage the PR of making a miracle, even though it tears you up inside if you think about it too long.

This kind of thing is really wrenching for people like you and I (and why I find myself at a loss) because we walk a lot of lines: the line between science and faith, the line between empathy and dispassion, economics and morality, maybe hardest of all the line between what we think and what we hope. Most people don’t get it because they don’t have any idea what is and isn’t possible or likely to begin with, and probably would balk if they knew how much of your day you spend thinking about it. Any sliding around reduces your control and the amount you can hedge your bet; the grim reality is that smart people are almost always bet hedgers; walking the line. Interestingly, though, people make most of their decisions emotionally, so being smart doesn’t so much determine what you’ll do or believe, as how successful you’ll be; lucky for us.

Here is what I choose to hope: I hope that little things matter; I hope that faith makes a difference; I hope that science moves faster; I hope that God chooses to intervene (I’ll gladly take a new angel that needs a project); I hope that our thoughts do have some effect on the universe; I hope the mind is stronger than the body; I hope that you are not afraid; most of all I hope that despair doesn’t find its way into your souls.

Here is what I know: you are not alone, your friends and family love you, you are kind servants of your fellow man, you do not deserve this, this experience will be horrible, and in spite of the last, you will manage to get through it anyway.

N

Natey, I love you very much.